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I finally went to see a doc about my anxiety, sleep, motivational and irritable-ness problems. He sent me for moar blood tests, which won't be done till I'm gone, and prescribed something for me to start taking right away. It's been interesting. A few hours after the 1st pill I got really nauseous. Then later that night I had my first yawning attack. I couldn't stop. Was kinda funny. So far it's been the only consistent side-effect, but I still have over a week of "try-out time" to see if anything else happens. Other than that, just some mild dizziness occasionally, and tachycardia, tho I'd had a shitload of coffee and cigarettes so I'm pretty sure that was why. I feel a bit better, my mind feels clearer, but it might be just me since nothing acts that fast. Plus I'm stil having problems focusing on one thing at a time.

As for my crazy friends... Well, yesterday evening I managed to get them to talk. We're still in a limbo, totally, but it was the first time they didn't jump at eachother's throats. No screaming, no name calling. I'm proud. But sad. I really can't tell whether things are the same or just worse now. I highly doubt they're better, because of the things that were said. But at least I got them to agree to stop avoiding eachother. Him mostly.

Only 11 more days and I'm going back. I'm scared shitless.

FML rant

So my friends' bickering at eachother has escalated into them not even being able to stand eachother's presence anymore. We went out for coffee tonight, as usual, and Mike brought his coworker as he's been doing lately. Which is fine, I like her, I can talk to her about nerdy things and stuff, Danny likes her too I think, so everything would be awesome if it wasn't for Mike's attitude as of late. He makes it all look like he's desperately looking for excuses not to hang out with us anymore. Mostly with Danny since she's the one he has a beef with. And I'm caught in the middle without knowing what to do. Like tonight.

It was almost 11 pm, I was home alone, DYING for a cigarette but had none, so I got tired of waiting for him to give me any signs of life and called Danny so she'd come pick me up (and give me a cancer stick). I finally get him on the phone while we're on our way downtown, and he sounded bummed as shit, and started whining about being tired and dinner and whatever. Until someone there with him made him change his mind. We finally worked out we'd meet at the usual place and him and his coworker would have dinner there, so away we went, after driving around in circles waiting for him to make up his mind... Danny was fuming by this point. We get to our hangout place, and Mike's doing the "I'm fine! Look how fine and happy and cheerful I am!!! lolololol" routine, which made me uncomfortable, and Danny more upset. His coworker didn't seem to notice but then again, she's new... So I tried and tried to get him to come with the two of us for a walk after his dinner and coffee, but he just made up some excuse and left. Danny exploded, started grumbling under her breath about wonderful things such as thousands of dicks raping him etc..


I managed to convince her not to take me home yet with a bribe of cheetos, and we went to the beach to talk, barely making it on time to buy said cheetos. So basically now she refuses to hang out with him anymore since he's being such a bitch, and now I'll somehow have to manage to divide my time between the two of them. Considering Mike's barely willing to do anything lately it shouldn't be hard, but knowing him, I can be sure he'll be mad at me for hanging out with Danny since I'm sure he'll take that as me "taking her side" in the whole situation. Behold, my best friends people....

Have I mentioned how confused I am about the Situation? I'm not even sure wtf is up with them, they were like this when I got here. Best reason I've managed to come up with is that they're just tired of eachother and need a break. Which is what Danny's doing. Taking a break from him. Have to say I agree and have even suggested it to her myself a couple weeks ago. And her birthday is this sunday, I can't wait to see how that's gonna go...

And in the middle of all this I'm crazy busy with my own problems, exam related and otherwise. I barely have time for my own issues, and while I desperately want time to deal with this and try to help them I feel like there's nothing else I can do. There's no point in talking to him, he's stubborn as shit, and she's just extremely irritable at this point and given up on trying to talk to him.


I wonder if I had known about this during the semester, if I could have done something to stop things from getting this bad. But Cat was here with them the whole time, she can deal with Mike's shit a whole lot better than either of us can and even she wasn't able to help them. And FML, she left today to go home up north for a couple of weeks.

I almost just want to run away, go back to CZ and stay there. At least there I'm blissfully unaware of what's going on here and I can do some work. And I miss hanging out with Kralik.

But most of all, I miss simpler times. Like back when the three of us were in highschool and our biggest concern was having money for pizza and doritos for our playstation sessions. I really miss that.

So today is my last day as a 22 year old. I feel old.

I'm home! And I have to study! I gave myself one measly week of vacay, which was spent dealing with my friends' issues and bickering mostly, but they're ok now. So yeah, not much vacay for me.

It's been 2 weeks since I left, and I still can't stop thinking about that guy. Let's call him Kralik. Cause it's annoying. :) He messaged me this morning (more liek afternoon, but my mornings usually extend well into the afternoon anyway so MORNIN'!) Bitch went on an awesome trip, burned his nose. I don't know exactly how awesome yet because I was asleep when he messaged me and by the time I saw it he was offline. I don't even know if he's back home yet or just on airport wi-fi. :/

And this is all fucking retarded. And I hate it. Because its stupid to be crushing on someone the way I am. And considering the mental state I'm in right now, I don't know if it isn't all just in my head. So all I can do is wait till I'm back, and then do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and see what happens =D

On a brighter note, the other day I had my first BRR! thought about the Sire. A "BRR! thought" is when you think about something you used to consider endearing or just downright D'AAAAAAAWWWW!!! and now it just seems "ew, how could I think that way! BRRRRR!!"

BRR! thought!!! :D Does this mean I'm cured? So it seems.


And now I need to leave, lunch with my parents. Yummy.
Shit happens, bottomline I'm single again, DJ could use some 21st century western social norms, (and a beating) etc etc. I'm actually quite relieved about being single again, I havent been by myself in forever. As in, in over 3 years. Bad bad.

Still crushing on the same guy, which is extremely annoying since we've started hanging out in the same small group. So I've decided against it completely. I'll have to wait till it goes away so I can relax and stop thinking about creepy shit. Srsly Cloud, must you be so creepy? o.O
I keep having the strangest, most adulterous dreams. It's so unlike me, I usually don't have sex dreams PERIOD. But these past 2-3 months have been such an emotional rollercoaster for me, maybe that's why. I went through some very violent feelings, and then suddenly made myself stop having them, only to have to let some out again when DJ came around. Too soon. So now, for the first time in years, I'm crushing on someone. And for the first time in my life it's happening while I'm not single. I don't know why this is happening now, I don't know if I'm paying for not taking care of myself properly (psychologically I mean) maybe I'm on the verge of some breaking point, or maybe it's because in many ways he reminds me of my ex, and I'm not as "over it" as I've liked to think I am.

But at least now I know I'm capable of feeling attraction like a normal person again. Kinda. It's rather soothing. For the longest time I thought I'd never be able to again. And yes, I know how horrible and unfair this sounds, considering my current situation. My head is a mess, and  I have no time to even think about doing anything about it right now, I'm afraid it's only gonna get worse. Or maybe I'm just blowing this out of proportion, I don't know if it's normal to find someone else attractive while going out with someone. I'm not planning on doing anything about it, because it's stupid, but I don't know how to feel about this whole thing.

GAH I can't wait to go back home, I need a long looooong serious talk with my best friend Mike about all this. He usually seems to be able to help me. I miss him. I miss them all. Only 21 more days and 4 more exams (and if possible, a credit test) until I board that plane... Couldn't be more excited about it.

Well, one of them, there's one more to go haha. After Physiology. Then I can relax a bit.

My boyfriend, DJ, met a weirdo the other day. He told him he would read his fortune and told him a bunch of random stuff at first, but then said something way too specific about his childhood and DJ got creeped out. I'd be creeped out too, what he said was way too on target, it's weird. But its what he said after that weirded me out as well. I still don't know what to think of it and neither does he. He told him that he had a girlfriend and that there was nothing for him there, that I had someone else and he was just in it for the ride or something. My first thought when DJ finally told me this was my ex (previously refered to as The Sire. Shit happened, he blew it and I'm glad I'm out) and "oh shi-!" of course. I'm sure DJ was hinting at him as well, or at least thinking about it. Which is stupid but whatever. I'm working on getting past it, not back into it, it was ruining me, and he knows this so I don't understand his problem.

But now he's taken to snooping around about my ex. I know because I noticed that someone was on my computer searching for my ex. On facebook, my gmail account and my skype. So I confronted him about it; but of course, he denied it and denied even knowing his name, despite the fact that I told him when he asked me a few weeks ago. He denied that too... Whatever, I'm not gonna go there. But my laptop as of now will be blocked whenever I'm out. I don't have anything to hide, and whenever he's asked me about this past relationship I've always told him the truth, including the fact that I still speak to my ex occasionally. So I don't know what he was trying to find, but my ex isn't on my facebook (always refused to add me, it should have been a clue to what was going on but I digress...) or the gmail account he went on looking for him. I have several and only ever used one of those to keep some limited contact with the ex once or twice. He is on my skype though. And I can't be sure, but DJ might have been reading our convos. Which is the main reason why I'm blocking access to my laptop from now on. While there's nothing in there I wouldn't tell him myself, I hate HATE it when people touch my computer without express permission. Even when I can see what they're doing. It just unnerves me.

So no more snooping from now on, plus, I have too much on my mind already, what with exams and shit...
It's been so freaking hot around here lately, its hard to bear. I haven't been able to do much because of it, including SLEEP. Then yesterday around 8pm the sky turned really dark, which is strange since in this country there's usually still light until at least 9:30pm this time of year. It was a summerstorm the likes of which I'd never seen. It was raining horizontally and everything. I just stood under the bus stop, not knowing where to stand because I was still getting showered no matter where I stood. When the bus finally came everyone just ran into it screaming. I was out of a shelter for maybe a split second and it was enough to get half of me soaked. Felt kinda weird.

Once the bus arrived to the center, I saw how it hadn't calmed down at all, so I just said "Oh FUCK IT!" and ran for it. I must say that after days of scorching heat and being delirious for some refreshment it felt pretty damn good to be running around soaked to the bone. So yeah, I ran through the streets giggling to myself like a crazy person. It was awesome. When I got to my friend B's house I screamed at him to have towels ready for me when I got upstairs, because he had no idea how drenched I was. He laughed when I got to his door, dripping wet and grinning. Must have been scary.

Well it was fun, and at least today it isn't as unbearable as the past week. It's just right. Now if only I could get some work done....

I'm dying for Tuesday. It's my country's first game in this World Cup. I'd like it if we at least got past the groups phase, but I'm not holding my breath on it. We're just not as kickass as we uised to be sadly. We'll see.

Now back to the books... If I see this exam fuck off I just might come right there in the oral room (lol, I maed a funneh)
Wow... I really need to get back on this. Amazing how I never actually manage to post for more than a couple of days at a a time. My life must be really boring... :/
Should I go out for a drink and risk going to Czech class tomorrow morning hungover or stay home bored out of my mind and wishing I'd gone? hummmm.........

So yesterday I registered for my first exam. I was warned to be in front of my computer when the registration opened and now I understand why. It was like dogs to a bone 0.0

I seriously doubt I would have managed to get registered in the date I wanted if I hadn't clicked that button on the second I did. Jeez people, it's 2 months away...

My friends are out of town (and the country for that matter) this weekend so I'm left here to study about bacteria and shit and stare out the window. It's really foggy today. I can't wait till February. If it all goes well for me, and a certain someone actually manages to get his ass across the Atlantic, I get to travel around Europe for almost an entire month. With said person.
Who better get his ass here.

Back to microscopic critters now...



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